It is kinda weird thinking back through media I liked as a kid/younger me, and viewing it through a queer viewpoint.
Mostly I’m thinking of 2004′s Van Helsing and how ridiculous it is that god’s perfect goth twink:
and literal Wolfman Hugh Jackman:
somehow don’t fuck at any point in the entire runtime.
Everyone is like “Van Helsing 2004 was so good, dramatic talking Frankenstein is baby. We love sad scene chewing monster!”
Ok but like... give me the fic. Give me the fanart. I’ve been hanging on to this fandom for 17 years and I can never find content for my green glowing best boy!
Seriously though. If you ever done any thing for this version of Frankenstein specifically, reblog with a link or your art. Rec other people’s stuff too.
I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
Little ramble about a kin memory this reminds me of below
Van Helsing (2004) - sentence starters
1. “A pity your moment of triumph is being spoiled over a little thing like grave robbery.”
2. “Where are you going to run, ______? Your peculiar experiments have made you unwelcome in most of the civilized world.”
3. “You can’t kill me, ______. I’m already dead.”
4. “You’re a big one. You’ll be hard to digest.”
5. “We are the last defense against evil. Evil that the rest of mankind has no idea even exists.”
6. “You killed _____ didn’t you? That’s why they get so annoyed. When they ask you to bring someone back, they don’t mean as a corpse.”
7. “You’ve never gone after vampires before, have you?”
8. “Vampires, gargoyles, warlocks, they’re all the same. Best when cooked well.”
9. “You cursed! Not very well, mind you, but you’re a _____. You shouldn’t curse at all.”
10. “I hope you have a heart, _____, because someday I’m going to drive a stake through it.”
11. “_____ only kill what they need to survive. One or two people a month. Now they will kill for revenge.”
12. “Next time stay close. You’re no good to me dead.”
13. “Why can’t they just leave us alone? We never kill more than our fill and less than our share. Can they say the same?”
14. “I have no heart! I feel no love! Nor fear, nor joy, nor sorrow! I am hollow.”
15. “The only way to save your family is to stay alive until ______’s killed.”
16. “In the morning, we will hunt _____, but we will do it together.”
17. “Why does it smell like wet dog in here?”
18. “They say _____ has a cure. If there’s a chance I can save ______, I’m going after it.”
19. “I despise ______ more than you can ever imagine. ____ has taken everything from me, leaving me alone in this world.”
20. “To have memories of those you loved and lost is perhaps harder than having no memories at all.”
21. “I’ve never been to the sea. I’ll bet it’s beautiful.”
22. “Werewolves are such a nuisance during their first full moon. So hard to control.”
23. “Leave ______ out of it. She/he/they do not know your secrets, and I am soon to take it to my grave.”
24. “Have you ever wondered why you have such horrible nightmares? Horrific scenes of ancient battles past.”
25. “Allow me to reintroduce myself. I am ______. Born ______. Murdered _____.”
26. “I have done nothing wrong, and yet you and your kind all wish me dead!”
27. “Where are you going to go? I don’t know if you’ve looked in a mirror lately, but you kind of stick out in a crowd.”
28. “Oh my god. You’ve been bitten.”
29. “One brief moment of pain, and we could be together forever.”
30. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s never be the first one to stick your hand in a viscous material.”
31. “You can’t go until I say you can go! And I say you can go when you’re dead!”
32. “We are both part of the same grand game, _____, but we need not find ourselves on opposite sides of the board.”
33. “You are being used, _____. As was I. But I escaped. So can you.”
34. “I think if you’re going to kill someone, kill them. Don’t stand there talking about it.”
35. “Did I mention that it was you who murdered me?”
36. “Don’t be afraid, _____. Don’t be afraid. I shall give you back your life, your memory.”
HES LITERALLY SO HOT AND THERE IS SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR ANY FANFIC GENRE HERE, HOW IS THERE SO LITTLE?? THIS IS A CRIME! ITS BEEN 18 YEARS HOW HAVE PEOPLE NOT TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF THIS FILM FOR ALL IT HAS TO OFFER??
I mean seriously guys,
Angst: he considers himself hollow and unfeeling, he wants a family he can't have, he obsesses over potential interests (romantic or otherwise)
Fluff: a little harder but he clearly loves a grand gesture, he could easily be the "hates everything but you" kind of character, he would be amazing at lifting confidence when you're insecure, small acts of affection like hand and shoulder kisses, dancing together alone
Smut: well.. I'm sure you can imagine 😏👀
Tell me why when I watched him walk into that sword and had to take a minute to reevaluate the things that I find sexy because this shouldn't have done the things it did.
ok so Dracula + Van Helsing are exes for sure in Van Helsing 2004??? the raw sexual tension??? the way Gabriel wore his ring for 450 years??? We could be friends, partners, (lovers)???
This movie is just two bitter ex husbands fighting to the death and honestly what more could I want
Well Tumblr refused to let me post my more emotionally meaningful vampire post so back to horny hours it is.
I want this man to do things to me that would make my ancestors shiver in disgust.
VAN HELSING (2004) dir. Stephen Sommers
“This thing… man… whatever it is… evil may have created it, left its mark on it… but evil does not rule it. So I cannot kill it. “